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Thursday, June 20, 2019

834 Best Sarcasm Quotes in English to Build Up Sense of Humor

In this article, we will provide you best sarcasm quotes in English which consist of the largest and best collection of sarcastic quotations, messages, captions, status and messages by various authors which you can share with anyone and read them to make your sense of humor strong and keep your understandability skills more powerful.



Below are the Best Sarcasm Quotes in English





“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”


“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”


“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”


“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”


“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”


“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”


“Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”


“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”


“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”


“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”


“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”


“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”


“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”


“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”


“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”


“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”


“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”


“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”


“Find your patience before I lose mine.”


“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”


“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant


“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”


“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


“Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”


“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”


“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”


“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”


“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”


“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”


“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”


“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”


“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”


“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”


“Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.”


“Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”


“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”


“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”


“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”


“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”


“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”


“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”


“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”


“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”


“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”


“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”


“Life’s good, you should get one.”


“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”


“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”


“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”


“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”


“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”


“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”


“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”


“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”


“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”


“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”


“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”


“You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”


“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”


“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”


“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”


“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”


“Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.”


“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”


“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”


“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”


“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”


“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”


“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”


“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”


“You sound better with your mouth closed.”


“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”


“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”


“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”


“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”


“I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”


“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”


. If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.


. Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems


. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.


. That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.


. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


. Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?


. Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.


. People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

New Sarcasm Quotes in English


. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.


. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.


. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.


. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright


. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.


. The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.


. Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.


. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.


. Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?


. Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.


. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.


. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you times, in minutes, in different ways.


. Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.


. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.


. True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.


. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.


. Police pulls over a speeding car: COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day. DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.


. Boy: “You’re not my type.” Girl: “Why, ‘cause I can read?”


. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.


. Oh… I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.


. You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth.


. I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.


. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.


. Sure I’ll help you out. The same way you came in.


. You: Go to Hell! Me: See you there.


. Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game. Student: Are you playing too?


. Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!


. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.


. We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Neighbors and relatives are enough.


. My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.


. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.


. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge a student by his percentage.

Popular Sarcasm Quotes in English


. If the teacher tells you to get out, it means you have won the argument.


. Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.


. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.


. Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed!


. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?


. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.


. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.


. I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat.


. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.


. If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..


. I’m smiling. That alone should scare you.


. You sound better with your mouth closed.


. My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.


. If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.


. Behind every successful person, there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.


. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.


. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.


. A boy is hammering nails into the table: Mom: What are you doing? The boy: Is that a trick question?


. See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.


. If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.


. You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.


. You: OMG did you just fall? Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face!


. You: Do you want a piece of my mind? Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.


. I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid. Then I met you.


. Question: Do you know who I am? Answer: No. Why? Have you forgotten?

Trending Sarcasm Quotes in English


. You always do me a favor, when you shut up!


. If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.


. *Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.


. What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?


. Find your patience before I lose mine.


. Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?


. Person : Watch my stuff. Me: Why? Is it going to do a trick


. You’re unique just like everyone else.


. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.


. That’s a pretty dress. Too bad you couldn’t find it in your size.


. Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.


. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.


. I believe in annoyed at first sight.


. I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” To “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”


. Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.


. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.


. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.


. There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.


. I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?


. I almost gave a f..ck. Scared the shit out of myself.


. My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.


. My mother didn’t raise a fool. A psychotic cold-hearted b..ch. But not a fool.


. I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.


. What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.


. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.


. I take super-hot showers to practice burning in hell.


. You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.


. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.


. I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.


. I don’t know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant f..cking delight.


. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.


. There’s someone for everyone. And the person for you is a physiatrist.


. Dear Life. Could you at least start using lubricant?


. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.


. They say women speak , words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


. Excuse me, which level of hell is this?


. When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.


. You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.


. You know what I like about people? Their dogs.


. People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.


. Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”


. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.


. Most people have “Ah ha” moments. I have “Oh for f..ck’s sake, f..ck this shit” moments.


. I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.


. I think Dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a d..ck but you’re not real enough.


. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me


. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.


. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”


. Sweetie, leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re going to hurt yourself. Go play in traffic.


. What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better.


. Abracadabra! Nope. You’re still a b..ch.


. Oh. I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?


. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”


. Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.


. My alone time is sometimes for your safety.


. Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it.


. I wish more people were fluent in silence.


. Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.


. I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned b..ch from hell that will make you regret the day you were born. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.


. I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”


. I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you.


. Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance.


. Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end


. Hmmm, I’m going to file your opinions right here between “f..ck this” and “f..ck that”.


. I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt.


. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.


. Some people are a human version of a migraine.

Latest Sarcasm Quotes in English


. Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.


. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.


. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about.


. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.


. It’s a beautiful day to leave me alone.


. Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?


. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.


. Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.


. Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them.


. Sweetie, I’m going to need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, Okay?


. In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. Nice try though.


. I’ve got heels higher than your standards.


. If you don’t like and still watch everything I do, b..tch you are a fan.


. I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.


. Oh sure, you’re smart. Sesame Street smart.


. Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.


. I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.


. Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.


. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.


. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. No one cares.


. Oh, you hate me? Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of F..ck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.


. I’m % sure you don’t like me but I’m % sure I don’t care.


. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your food in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?


. I don’t have a bad temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.


. Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b..ch to you, you need to ask yourself why.


. Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived!


. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.


. I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I’m hilarious.


. You are the result of billion years of evolution. So act like it.


. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.


. I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


. It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break.


. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.


. Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.


. Only dead fish go with the flow.


. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.


. If I say “First of all”. Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you.


. In my defense, I was left unsupervised.


. I am a nice person. Just don’t push the b..ch button.


. The B..ch Slap. Keeping a..holes in line since .


. Warning. I’m bored. Things could get dangerous.


. I am currently experiencing life at the speed of wtf’s per hour.


. Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.


. I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?”


. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f..ck.


. We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook.


. In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.


. It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces every day.


. Nothing brings a group of a…holes together faster than something that’s none of their business.


. Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are.


. My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.


. Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs


. I would like to confirm that I do not care.


. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.


. Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.


. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.


. Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.


. Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.


. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.


. I don’t know how to accept compliments. So thanks, suck a d..ck or whatever.


. I need a cocktail. Hold the tail.


. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus.


. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.


. Quick Tip: Mind your own motherf…ng goddamn business b..ch.


. My loyalty cannot be bought. However, it can be rented.


. I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.


. Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.

Latest Sarcasm Quotes in English


. You: Do you think I am stupid? Me: It’s not your fault.


. Person : Can I ask you a question? Person : You just did!


. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.


. Oh. I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.


. My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.


. Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.


. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.


. Hey! I had shoes like those once. Then my father got a job.


. Just because the voices only talk to me, doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.


. You are about as useful as a white crayon.


. Don’t argue with fools, because people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.


. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.


. You inspire my inner serial killer.


. If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?


. I don’t hate you. I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.


. My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.


. Forget Prince Charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.


. I’m not saying I hate you. But I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.


. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.


. Resting b..tch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be a part of.


. Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.


. Apology accepted. Trust denied.


. I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.


. You, sir, are the human version of period cramps.


. Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?”


. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face with words.


. I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka.


. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.


. You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the stuff I hold back.

Popular Sarcasm Quotes in English


. I’m going to hell in so many different religions.


. People ask me, “Why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.” My reply is “I’m overqualified.”


. Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.


. Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s.


Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.


Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.


Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught


Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.


Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.


Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.


I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.


When wearing a bikini, women reveal % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.sarcastic quotes ()


You sound better with your mouth closed.


Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…


When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.


You know you’re awesome when people you don’t even know hate you.


Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.


If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

Inspirational Sarcasm Quotes in English


I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.


Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?


I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.


You always do me a favor, when you shut up!


Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.


I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.


No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.


I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.


I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.


If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it.


Take my advice — I’m not using it.


When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.


My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.


Whatever you do always give %. Unless you are donating blood.sarcasm quotes images


Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business…


Never break someone’s heart because they have only one inside…break their bones because they have of them.


My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.


My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.


Not many people can listen to you and survive. I should be getting an award.

Being Sarcastic Quotes in English


People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.


My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.


Yesterday, I fell down from a meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.


People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?


My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.


Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*


Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!


Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.


I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.


Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…


Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business?


Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.


It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen…


You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.


Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!


Girl you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.


Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.


When people don’t make sense, listen to music. It always does.

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


You fell asleep! No I just closed by eyes for few hours.


Just in case you haven’t noticed, you are ugly both mentally and physically. Other than that? You are totally fine!


Did something bad happen to you or are you just naturally ugly.


I’ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can’t catch my breath.


How to lose an argument with a woman: ) Argue.


Hey, what a coincidence! You’ve the same name as my dog!


The universe is laughing behind your back.


Are you thinking what I’m thinking that I think that you’re thinking I’m thinking because if you think that I think what I think I’m thinking then we’ve got a problem?


I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.


The human race is lucky I’m a nice guy, otherwise only / of them would be alive right now.


A paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.


I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.


I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault!


Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.


Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!


Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.


This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.


Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!


I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad!


“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright


“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”


“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde


“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”


“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde


“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”


“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban


“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”


“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein


“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”


“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” – (Sign in Albert Einstein’s Office)


“Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”


“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein


“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”


“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein


“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”


“If anything can go wrong, it will.” – Murphy’s Laws


“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”


“Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.” – Murphy’s Laws


“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”


“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Murphy’s Laws


“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”


“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera ” – Aldous Huxley


“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”


“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Robin Williams


“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”


“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams


“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”


“Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.” – Robin Williams


“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”


“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams


“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”


“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.” – Victor Borge


“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”


“All the good ones are taken.” – Murphy’s Laws


“Find your patience before I lose mine.”


“Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.” – Murphy’s Laws
In this article, we will provide you best sarcasm quotes in English which consist of the largest and best collection of sarcastic quotations, messages, captions, status and messages by various authors which you can share with anyone and read them to make your sense of humor strong and keep your understandability skills more powerful.



Below are the Best Sarcasm Quotes in English





“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”


“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”


“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”


“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”


“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”


“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”


“Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”


“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”


“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”


“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”


“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”


“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”


“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”


“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”


“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”


“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”


“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”


“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”


“Find your patience before I lose mine.”


“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”


“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant


“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”


“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


“Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”


“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”


“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”


“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”


“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”


“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”


“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”


“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”


“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”


“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”


“Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.”


“Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”


“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”


“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”


“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”


“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”


“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”


“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”


“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”


“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”


“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”


“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”


“Life’s good, you should get one.”


“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”


“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”


“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”


“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”


“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”


“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”


“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”


“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”


“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”


“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”


“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”


“You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”


“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”


“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”


“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”


“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”


“Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.”


“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”


“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”


“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”


“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”


“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”


“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”


“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”


“You sound better with your mouth closed.”


“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”


“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”


“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”


“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”


“I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”


“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”


. If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.


. Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems


. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.


. That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.


. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


. Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?


. Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.


. People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

New Sarcasm Quotes in English


. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.


. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.


. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.


. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright


. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.


. The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.


. Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.


. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.


. Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?


. Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.


. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.


. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you times, in minutes, in different ways.


. Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.


. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.


. True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.


. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.


. Police pulls over a speeding car: COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day. DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.


. Boy: “You’re not my type.” Girl: “Why, ‘cause I can read?”


. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.


. Oh… I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.


. You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth.


. I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.


. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.


. Sure I’ll help you out. The same way you came in.


. You: Go to Hell! Me: See you there.


. Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game. Student: Are you playing too?


. Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!


. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.


. We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Neighbors and relatives are enough.


. My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.


. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.


. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge a student by his percentage.

Popular Sarcasm Quotes in English


. If the teacher tells you to get out, it means you have won the argument.


. Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.


. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.


. Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed!


. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?


. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.


. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.


. I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat.


. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.


. If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..


. I’m smiling. That alone should scare you.


. You sound better with your mouth closed.


. My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.


. If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.


. Behind every successful person, there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.


. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.


. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.


. A boy is hammering nails into the table: Mom: What are you doing? The boy: Is that a trick question?


. See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.


. If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.


. You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.


. You: OMG did you just fall? Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face!


. You: Do you want a piece of my mind? Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.


. I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid. Then I met you.


. Question: Do you know who I am? Answer: No. Why? Have you forgotten?

Trending Sarcasm Quotes in English


. You always do me a favor, when you shut up!


. If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.


. *Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.


. What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?


. Find your patience before I lose mine.


. Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?


. Person : Watch my stuff. Me: Why? Is it going to do a trick


. You’re unique just like everyone else.


. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.


. That’s a pretty dress. Too bad you couldn’t find it in your size.


. Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.


. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.


. I believe in annoyed at first sight.


. I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” To “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”


. Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.


. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.


. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.


. There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.


. I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?


. I almost gave a f..ck. Scared the shit out of myself.


. My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.


. My mother didn’t raise a fool. A psychotic cold-hearted b..ch. But not a fool.


. I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.


. What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.


. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.


. I take super-hot showers to practice burning in hell.


. You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.


. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.


. I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.


. I don’t know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant f..cking delight.


. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.


. There’s someone for everyone. And the person for you is a physiatrist.


. Dear Life. Could you at least start using lubricant?


. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.


. They say women speak , words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


. Excuse me, which level of hell is this?


. When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.


. You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.


. You know what I like about people? Their dogs.


. People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.


. Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”


. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.


. Most people have “Ah ha” moments. I have “Oh for f..ck’s sake, f..ck this shit” moments.


. I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.


. I think Dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a d..ck but you’re not real enough.


. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me


. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.


. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”


. Sweetie, leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re going to hurt yourself. Go play in traffic.


. What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better.


. Abracadabra! Nope. You’re still a b..ch.


. Oh. I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?


. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”


. Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.


. My alone time is sometimes for your safety.


. Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it.


. I wish more people were fluent in silence.


. Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.


. I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned b..ch from hell that will make you regret the day you were born. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.


. I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”


. I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you.


. Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance.


. Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end


. Hmmm, I’m going to file your opinions right here between “f..ck this” and “f..ck that”.


. I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt.


. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.


. Some people are a human version of a migraine.

Latest Sarcasm Quotes in English


. Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.


. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.


. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about.


. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.


. It’s a beautiful day to leave me alone.


. Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?


. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.


. Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.


. Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them.


. Sweetie, I’m going to need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, Okay?


. In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. Nice try though.


. I’ve got heels higher than your standards.


. If you don’t like and still watch everything I do, b..tch you are a fan.


. I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.


. Oh sure, you’re smart. Sesame Street smart.


. Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.


. I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.


. Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.


. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.


. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. No one cares.


. Oh, you hate me? Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of F..ck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.


. I’m % sure you don’t like me but I’m % sure I don’t care.


. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your food in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?


. I don’t have a bad temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.


. Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b..ch to you, you need to ask yourself why.


. Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived!


. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.


. I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I’m hilarious.


. You are the result of billion years of evolution. So act like it.


. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.


. I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


. It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break.


. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.


. Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.


. Only dead fish go with the flow.


. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.


. If I say “First of all”. Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you.


. In my defense, I was left unsupervised.


. I am a nice person. Just don’t push the b..ch button.


. The B..ch Slap. Keeping a..holes in line since .


. Warning. I’m bored. Things could get dangerous.


. I am currently experiencing life at the speed of wtf’s per hour.


. Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.


. I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?”


. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f..ck.


. We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook.


. In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.


. It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces every day.


. Nothing brings a group of a…holes together faster than something that’s none of their business.


. Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are.


. My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.


. Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs


. I would like to confirm that I do not care.


. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.


. Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.


. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.


. Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.


. Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.


. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.


. I don’t know how to accept compliments. So thanks, suck a d..ck or whatever.


. I need a cocktail. Hold the tail.


. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus.


. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.


. Quick Tip: Mind your own motherf…ng goddamn business b..ch.


. My loyalty cannot be bought. However, it can be rented.


. I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.


. Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.

Latest Sarcasm Quotes in English


. You: Do you think I am stupid? Me: It’s not your fault.


. Person : Can I ask you a question? Person : You just did!


. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.


. Oh. I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.


. My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.


. Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.


. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.


. Hey! I had shoes like those once. Then my father got a job.


. Just because the voices only talk to me, doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.


. You are about as useful as a white crayon.


. Don’t argue with fools, because people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.


. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.


. You inspire my inner serial killer.


. If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?


. I don’t hate you. I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.


. My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.


. Forget Prince Charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.


. I’m not saying I hate you. But I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.


. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.


. Resting b..tch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be a part of.


. Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.


. Apology accepted. Trust denied.


. I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.


. You, sir, are the human version of period cramps.


. Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?”


. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face with words.


. I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka.


. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.


. You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the stuff I hold back.

Popular Sarcasm Quotes in English


. I’m going to hell in so many different religions.


. People ask me, “Why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.” My reply is “I’m overqualified.”


. Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.


. Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s.


Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.


Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.


Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught


Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.


Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.


Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.


I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.


When wearing a bikini, women reveal % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.sarcastic quotes ()


You sound better with your mouth closed.


Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…


When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.


You know you’re awesome when people you don’t even know hate you.


Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.


If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

Inspirational Sarcasm Quotes in English


I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.


Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?


I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.


You always do me a favor, when you shut up!


Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.


I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.


No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.


I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.


I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.


If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it.


Take my advice — I’m not using it.


When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.


My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.


Whatever you do always give %. Unless you are donating blood.sarcasm quotes images


Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business…


Never break someone’s heart because they have only one inside…break their bones because they have of them.


My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.


My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.


Not many people can listen to you and survive. I should be getting an award.

Being Sarcastic Quotes in English


People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.


My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.


Yesterday, I fell down from a meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.


People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?


My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.


Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*


Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!


Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.


I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.


Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…


Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business?


Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.


It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen…


You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.


Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!


Girl you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.


Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.


When people don’t make sense, listen to music. It always does.

Short Sarcasm Quotes in English


You fell asleep! No I just closed by eyes for few hours.


Just in case you haven’t noticed, you are ugly both mentally and physically. Other than that? You are totally fine!


Did something bad happen to you or are you just naturally ugly.


I’ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can’t catch my breath.


How to lose an argument with a woman: ) Argue.


Hey, what a coincidence! You’ve the same name as my dog!


The universe is laughing behind your back.


Are you thinking what I’m thinking that I think that you’re thinking I’m thinking because if you think that I think what I think I’m thinking then we’ve got a problem?


I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.


The human race is lucky I’m a nice guy, otherwise only / of them would be alive right now.


A paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.


I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.


I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault!


Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.


Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!


Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.


This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.


Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!


I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad!


“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright


“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”


“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde


“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”


“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde


“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”


“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

Best Sarcasm Quotes in English


“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban


“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”


“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein


“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”


“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” – (Sign in Albert Einstein’s Office)


“Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”


“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein


“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”


“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein


“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”


“If anything can go wrong, it will.” – Murphy’s Laws


“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”


“Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.” – Murphy’s Laws


“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”


“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Murphy’s Laws


“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”


“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera ” – Aldous Huxley


“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”


“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Robin Williams


“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”


“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams


“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”


“Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.” – Robin Williams


“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”


“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams


“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”


“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.” – Victor Borge


“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”


“All the good ones are taken.” – Murphy’s Laws


“Find your patience before I lose mine.”


“Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.” – Murphy’s Laws
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